I was a new mom and unaware of any support groups for moms in 2003. Had I known the importance of why we need mom communities, I would have joined one and met fellow young moms.
As a newbie, I have read books to guide me, but they didn’t teach me how to soundproof our room because a whisper would startle my baby. There was no one to talk to or compare notes with because the other moms were busy.
If you are a new mom and find motherhood challenging, can I hug you? You don’t have to do it alone. Here are five reasons why we need mom communities.
1. Support
I felt angry, unfit, and desperate. So I would call The 700 Club for prayer and support.
A healthy mom community would provide the support any mother would need. They can empathize because they have been there, done that, or are going through the same season. Every mother’s journey is unique, but the emotions are the same.
Who else will understand a mother but another mom too? A mom community can encourage you in your dark moments and celebrate with you in our small victories. Do not underestimate the power of a simple, “How are you?” or “How can I pray for you?” And it works both ways. You can either be the recipient or the giver. Not only did you support someone, but you encouraged yourself too.
2. Wisdom
Why are we so ashamed to ask for advice or seek counsel? It is because of pride. First, we do not want others to perceive us as a newbie or someone who doesn’t know what to do. Second, we think we know it all, so we don’t ask for help from others. Third, we think we are bothersome if we do.
As a young mom, don’t hesitate to seek advice or encouragement from moms who have grown children. We witness how they navigated motherhood through the lives of their children. However, we are also aware of the generation gap. Both the passive and authoritarian parenting styles will no longer work today. We encourage intentional parenting based on biblical values that are more relevant this time.
But there is wisdom too in listening to younger moms. As someone who facilitates a group of younger married women, I also learn a lot from them. They give me a different perspective other than what I know.
We need mom communities because there are a lot of mothers who are willing to help, mentor, and guide you. And all you need to do is to ask.
3. Socialization
One mom said to me, “I don’t need other people in my life. I am content with my family.” I get that because when our children were younger I didn’t have the time to go out and meet new people. And I insist that I am an introvert and socialization makes me uncomfortable.
However, isolating yourself from other people can be unhealthy. Yes, I respect that you’d rather be by yourself especially when the kids are asleep or in school. But once in a while, it is okay to have coffee with a close friend to catch up. Socialization does not mean becoming Ms. Congeniality altogether. It means having a life outside your home.
It means allowing yourself to share life experiences with fellow moms who are going through the same season. You do not know who will bless with your presence. We do not need a lot of people, just a few intimate friends whom you trust. We have emotional needs that we DO NOT GET from our children.
It is unhealthy for a parent (mom) to seek her emotional needs from her child. Our children are not emotionally and mentally mature in handling issues that only adults can understand. For example, instead of sharing your issues and marital problems with your spouse or another adult, you dump it all on your child. Because they absorb everything, they might become adults obligated to meet their mom’s emotional tank. This might turn into a codepent relationship, which harms both.
They will absorb everything you say and they will become adults feeling the need to fill your emotional needs all the time. This is unfair and unhealthy for a growing child. Please, if you have the habit of doing this, stop it. According to child psychologists, this habit is a form of emotional abuse, which I know you do not want your child to experience. Seek counsel from an adult or a dear friend. Your child is not your counselor or bestie.
4. Network
When Kaye Ang of MamacademyPh invited me to speak on the topic of why we need mom communities, I did not hesitate. I met Kaye through another community for women called The Fulfilled Women on Facebook. Since then, Kaye and I have been friends and we supported each other’s projects when we could.
Joining a mom community has many perks. Aside from learning something new, you can also create a network of people whom you can be in business with. The majority of moms in a mom community are professionals, experts in their fields, business people, and community leaders.
So you don’t know if you can help someone with their needs or vice versa. If you need support in almost any area, there is a mom in that community who would gladly serve your needs.
5. Belongingness
No matter how strong or independent we are, we have a human need for belongingness, to be part of something greater than us. The Bible encourages us to do this in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Most moms feel isolated because of their role as the primary caregiver. But dear mom, let me encourage you. You can be part of a mom community when you are ready.
The purpose of a Christian community is similar. We walk alongside each other as we all grow in faith and love for the Lord. It is not a perfect community because its members are all works in progress.
Have I convinced you why we need mom communities? I hope I did. There are many mom communities on Facebook that you can be a part of. Find the right one that will fit your interests and needs. Let me know if I can help you connect with you.
