Jude AgbayaniWho would have thought motherhood would help me pursue a dream? At 10 years old, I dreamt of becoming a writer. Our high school counselor suggested I take any of the arts and letters courses, which I did after high school.
However, after the second semester, I received a passing grade in a major subject. I thought it was the end of the world because I planned to major in Philosophy. How can I major in Philosophy if Logic 1 was challenging for me?
So my mom stepped in with her plans and we looked for a dental school right away. The following school year, I exchanged my cute UST Arts and Letters uniform for the white A-line with pink piping pre-dental school uniform. And the rest, as they say, is history.
The New Life
My husband and I got married in May 2002, and I became a mother in April of 2003. My focus was on our son because I planned on becoming a hands-on mom. I thought motherhood was going to be easy. Who was I kidding?
I was 29 and counted on my ‘maturity’ to handle a baby. It was challenging to put our baby boy to sleep because the slightest noise wakes him up. We have to drive around the village to put him to sleep only to wake up as soon as I put him down. My breastfeeding plan failed, so I give him the bottle after two or three months of trying. And I was still adjusting to becoming a wife, too. I was overweight and felt alone on my motherhood journey. While close friends were hanging out and enjoying singlehood, I was at home. I was happy to be a mom to the handsome baby, but I was lonely and felt like a failure.
The Blog Life
I forgot how I discovered blogging, but I found solace in this digital platform. Blogging rekindled my love for writing because I have completely forgotten that I used to write poems, compose songs, and create scripts when I was young. My blog became an online diary on motherhood, faith, and writing. But I was inconsistent (as always) with my entries.
Meeting other bloggers gave me the courage to take my writing to the next level. Although, I don’t know what level that is. All I know was I want to take writing seriously despite my insecurities. I had nothing to show. I have no diploma in English, Literature, or Journalism and I have no experience. But I have one thing that strengthened my resolve: I know I can learn anything. I love learning and with determination and perseverance. I am confident I will be a better writer.
The Apprentice Life
Since I was homeschooling our two kids, I learned grammar and writing with them. I took to heart the lessons and practiced them in my blogging. I also joined blogging workshops and subscribed to every female blogger I know. I took up online writing courses too. Then, I added more courses like copywriting, social media marketing, and SEO writing.
I accepted content writing gigs, which included ghostwriting, editing, and social media writing. Then, I also read more books and discovered I enjoyed the nonfiction genre more than fiction. I kept on doing it and continued to practice writing by blogging.
After some time, I took on the challenge of creating a freebie for my blog subscribers. It was something I gave away every time they sign up for my blog. It was a 5-day devotional for moms using the Women of the Bible. I decided the hire the editing services of Marge to polish my freebie. When she sent me the edited file, she suggested I make a lengthier version of the freebie. I allowed that thought to linger the following days.
The Author Life
What started out as a suggestion became a great idea for a book. I am a fan of nonfiction books, so writing nonfiction was more comfortable. A friend asked how long it took me to write the book, and it shocked her when I said two years. What took me so long to finish the book?
It was not a big deal. I did not take writing the book seriously. But I did my research and created an outline. Every time a new idea came up, I’d go back to the outline and added details. It was not a priority because I have more important things to do like homeschooling, managing our home business and the home. My thought process was “I’ll find the time to do this soon.”
The Lord kept changing the theme. I am not saying the Lord caused the delay, but He led to changing my theme twice or thrice to where it is now. The writing evolved for months until the Lord settled in my heart that it would 30 Ways to Be a Better Mom. Even the title took weeks to be completed.
I didn’t think I can do it. Life happens. I am a busy mom but in hindsight; I realized I have wasted hours not working on the book. If there was an award for the best procrastinator, I would receive that award. There was no sense of urgency because I thought no one would pay attention. No one would be interested in what I have to say. See how low my self-esteem was?
The Decided Life
I am a believer in divine appointments. The Lord has His way of speaking to us in the most unexpected ways. While I was busy procrastinating, the Lord sends people my way to push me to do it. To be frank with you, the people He used are not even close friends. Yet, one by one they have a way of saying, “It’s time to publish the book.”
I dillydallied for two years and I couldn’t afford the delay any longer. If I wait for my circumstances to be perfect, that book would remain a manuscript. I would save it in my google drive for another two years. If I allowed the self-limiting beliefs to control my thoughts, I would not work on my dream at all.
So I did it; I self-published it on Amazon. Now comes the hard part, which is promoting. Again, the fear of being labeled as showing off or being criticized for the work is crippling. Do I want to show perfect work? Or do I want people to see a perfect version of me, which is exactly the theme of the body? Quit aiming for perfection. Strive to be better.
To shake me off that high horse, the Lord pulled me aside and reminded me, “It’s not about you. I gave you the gift of words. Use it to encourage and move women, because it is for my glory.”
The Lord has His way of honoring our dreams, especially if He put that dream in our hearts. He has rekindled a long-forgotten dream to write a book. I did not need any writing certificate to pursue this dream. All I needed to be was a mom. He used motherhood to help pursue my dream to become an author.
I don’t know what your personal dreams are. Just because you’re a mother and caring for our children, doesn’t mean we can’t dream anymore. Embrace the season you are in today. In God’s perfect time, He will lead you to fulfill your dreams while still being a mom.
*The local prints of my first devotional book will be available within the next month. If you want a copy, kindly send me an email at [email protected]
