• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
    • Personal growth
      • Mompreneurs
      • Health
    • Homelife
      • Home Cooking
    • Homeschool
      • Book/Product Review
  • Contact Me
  • FREE Book Chapter
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest

Inspirited Mom

Let us Spur One Another in Love

in Homelife, Uncategorized · October 10, 2013

Kids Feel Loved When We Speak in their Love Language

Gary Chapman’s  “The Five Love Languages”  has helped me understand how I want to be loved and how I can show love to my husband. In his book, he says that there are five love languages people speak, whether it be giving or receiving love. These  are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Most of the time we don’t feel loved by our spouses because they don’t speak our love language. They have no idea how we want to be loved and vice versa.

My husband and I completed the tests years ago. My top love language is Gifts (receiving gifts) while the least way I feel loved is by Physical Touch. We were surprised with the results of the tests because we have the exact opposite scores. His Physical touch language is a 10 while mine is 1! Can you imagine that? But we learned to compromise and up to now we are still adjusting and learning.

In 2006 my husband received the children’s edition of the same book, The Five Love Languages of Children. I was not able to use it then because Coby was still very young and Jianne was only a few months old. But now that they are older, I thought of finding out how they want to be loved. Why do we need to know how to love our children? Allow me to quote Chapman here:

“In raising children, everything depends on the love relationship between the parent and the child. Nothing works well if a child’s love needs are not met. Only the child who feels genuinely loved an cared for can do her best. You may truly love your child, but unless she feels it–unless you speak the love language that communicates to her your love–she will not feel loved.

By speaking your child’s own love language, you can fill his ’emotional tank’ with love. When your child feels loved, he is much easier to discipline and train than when his ’emotional tank’ is running near empty.

Every child has an emotional tan, a place of emotional strength that can fuel him through the challenging days of childhood and adolescence. Just as cars are powered by reserves in the gas tank, our children’s are fueled from their emotional tanks. We must fill our children’s emotional tanks for them to operate as they should an reach their potential.

But what do we fill these tanks? Love, of course, but love of a particular kind that will enable our children to grow and function properly.” —Gary Chapman, The Five Love Language of Children

So how do our kids want to be loved? I have a brief description of each language based on Chapman’s book. I suggest you get a copy of the book so you learn how best to love your child. You can also check out http://www.5languagesoflove.com for a quick online test.

Physical Touch: Kids whose love language is Physical touch crave hugs and kisses from Mom and Dad. Chapman says that this form of love is the easiest expression because we parents always hug and kiss our children. But there are some parents who are not demonstrative, not expressive of love. He suggests a simple pat on the back or tap on the shoulder is a good start to give the love needed by the child who wants to be physically connected to his parents.

This is Jianne’s secondary love language. She is very clingy. Likes to hug all the time. Sometimes I feel there’s a monkey hanging over my arms wherever I go. She is always in my face (literally). It’s easy for her to obey when her love tank is full. When she has received her hugs and kisses for the day.

Coby on the other hand is too sensitive to touch. He easily gets tickled and does not enjoy the hugs I give him. So I refrained from doing it. I thought maybe this is not his love language. But then a few months back, he asked me why I only hug and kiss Jianne. I was surprised at his question so I told him, “Because every time I try to hug you, you get all squirmy and push me away.  So I don’t try to hug you anymore, I just kiss you on the cheek.” Then he protested, “I also want to be hugged Mama!” I apologized for holding back on the touching and thanked him for telling me what he wanted. So now, he accepts the hugs we give him. Though he tries to give embraces too but is still very stiff and log-like sometimes. But he’ll learn eventually.

Words of Affirmation: This expression of love is appreciated by children who wants to hear their parents cheering them on or applauding them for a job well done. The words that we convey to these children have a huge impact on them. When we say encouraging words to them, they feel loved. We are also filling their tanks if we continue to guide them in the right direction. When need to catch them doing good, so we can acknowledge the effort and they in turn will feel special. That’s why kids whose have this love language are hurt when we also use harsh words when we reprimand them or scold them.

This is Coby’s primary love language. I had a feeling this is how he wants to be loved but I had to confirm it with the test. He scored high in this category. Being aware of this now, makes me more conscious of how I speak to him. I have to tame my tongue some more. I need to tell more that I love him too, which I know he appreciates.

Quality Time: What is quality time? Chapman defines it as focused attention. It’s giving your child your undivided attention. We may be at home with them but our mind is somewhere else or we are too busy with other stuff around the house. Even if we are physically present with our children if we don’t sit down with them and just focus on them alone (for a period of time) they will not feel loved. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom, I feel guilty of this at times. I have too many things to do always and the kids try to call my attention when they are watching a funny show or they just want to show off a project or an invention. They don’t feel appreciated if I just respond with, “okay, okay, let me finish this first.”

We can show love to these kids when we go out with them on dates, individually. We can go the mall, have a snack in their favorite burger station and just spend time with them. They need to feel that they are more important than work, our chores, our friends. This is a great time to talk to them about anything under the sun. With kids, you don’t ran out of topics to discuss 🙂 Bedtime routine like storytelling, reading a book together, praying together or telling jokes creates memories that they would take with them forever.

So yesterday after school,  instead of focusing my time on the computer, I suggested we watch a DVD. They were both very excited and wanted to do a movie marathon!

Gifts: Is there any kid who doesn’t want a gift? haha but kids whose love language is receiving gifts make a big deal out of everything you give them. Whether it be a simple chocolate bar or an inexpensive toy, they will surely appreciate it. They will comment on the wrapper or the ribbon. They will the keep it in a special place an every time they see that gift they will be reassured that they are loved. What is important to them is that you remembered them or thought of them. That’s what the gift means to them.

Acts of Service: These kids feel loved when you do something for them. It may be a simple act of tidying up their clothes is a big deal to them. When dads go out of their way to fix their kids’ broken toys or make them a tree house in the backyard, that is an expression of love for them.

I remember Coby saying to me before, “I feel loved when you put syrup on my pancake.” For me that was nothing, it was a normal thing that I do but I didn’t know he feels love when I make sure his food is prepared. When I make sure his needs are met, clothes are washed and cleaned. Even helping in his schoolwork conveys love to him.

Do you know your kids’ love language? How do you show love to them?

ek6

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)

Related

Previous Post: « Non-traditional Birthday
Next Post: You’ve Got Mail: A Visit to the Post Office »

Primary Sidebar

Welcome!

Welcome!

Hey, I'm Jude. Inspirited Mom is my digital home where I connect with women, especially moms. I'm glad you are here.

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

30 Ways to Be a Better Mom Devotional Book

30 Ways to Be a Better Mom

Get your copy on Amazon today!

Subscribe

Join our mailing list. Subscribe today!

Missed Something?

Categories

  • Book/Product Review
  • Health
  • Home Cooking
  • Homelife
  • Homeschool
  • Mompreneurs
  • Personal growth
  • Uncategorized

Connect with Me

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

Footer

Latest on Instagram

One thing I LOVE to do is encourage people. And I One thing I LOVE to do is encourage people. And I use words to do that either on social media, in my blog, or my book. 

Not everyone will LOVE what I put out there, and that's okay. Because someone who needs those words of encouragement would LOVE them. 

I got this key point towards the latter part of episode 68 of @simonsinek ‘s podcast called A Little Bit of Optimism. He was talking to Carla Hall, a chef, author, and motivational speaker. 

Although they were talking about how they ‘fell’, the conversation headed in the direction of loving what you do. 

Do check out that episode maybe it’ll hit you differently than me. Send me a DM and ill share the episode link with you 💕

#podcast #simonsinek #lovewhatyoudo #lovewhatyoudomatters
There's another part of comparison that we uninten There's another part of comparison that we unintentionally do. It's looking at other people’s trials and comparing them with ours.

We all have burdens to carry. And in each burden, the Lord is either correcting or teaching us. 

Each trial is personal. So who's to say someone’s troubles are more burdensome than the other? 

Let's avoid saying, “Oh, I have bigger worries than you”. Because we don't see what the Lord is doing in the other person’s life. 

Remember, God doesn't love us equally but uniquely. Even in the challenges we encounter, He has a unique purpose in all of them. 

📖
“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” James 1:2-4 The Message 

#discipleshipjourney #accountabilitygroup #godlovesusuniquely #sistersinchrist #dgroup 
‭‭
It's a little personal. Scroll up if you're not up It's a little personal. Scroll up if you're not up to it. 

My recent battle with emotions exposed an ugly truth—I operate on validation from other people. The praise and ‘good job’ became my fuel and when I don't get it, I feel unwanted and insignificant. 

But God, in his graciousness, allowed me to discover it in the quiet moments. Going through that painful season is necessary to shake the drama off of my life and keep me sober. 

He uses His Word to validate who I am and who He is. What a liberating feeling to finally have this awareness so I can press on joyfully. 

Only God can use a most desperate season to bring about His holy purpose in our lives. What the devil meant for evil, God meant for good. Praise You, Lord! 

#emotionalhealing #roadtorecovery #quietmomentswithgod #morningthoughts #morningdevotion
Happy 1st birthday to our baby girl! You added joy Happy 1st birthday to our baby girl! You added joy and mess to our lives 😂 

#dogmom #jackrussellterriermix #nodiscrimination #mustlovedogs
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Never miss a post! Subscribe now to get the latest news.

  • Home
  • Contact Me
  • Cookie Policy
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 · Inspirited Mom · Design by Studio Mommy

Get all the latest news and info sent to your inbox.

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept All”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent.
Cookie SettingsAccept All
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT
 

Loading Comments...