blog written December 26, 2005
Memories of my childhood springs back to life during the Holidays. I have only fond memories of my childhood in our ancestral home in Quezon City.
Every summer, my brother and I would spend our vacation in my grandfather’s house. I enjoyed my stay there a lot. Not only do we get to play all day with my uncle and aunt (same age kami), but that was were I met my very first crush.
Yes, you might say i started young in the love-crush scene. I think I was about 9 or 10 at the time. I woke up one afternoon from our usual nap and went outside the house because i heard my uncle, aunt and their friends were playing. They were having fun playing cops and robbers, girls vs. boys. I was just watching them run after each other when, at the corner of my eye, I saw him. He was tall, skinny and nice hair. My heart went flip flop when i saw his smile. He was just the cutest, i said to myself. He looked older than me though but who cares, he is hot! I cannot recall who introduced us, but they immediately made me join the game. On the girl’s side, of course. He, D, ran from their base and another girl asked me to ran after him. So I did. I ran as fast as I could, of course i caught him. I was the fastest on our team. When i tagged him, he said hello and asked if we are spending the vacation there. I said yes, a bit shy back then. That was the start of my long journey to crushood for this guy.
I remember having chills up my spine whenever I see him. Apparently, he is very close to our family. He lives just across the street and during that time, they were our party-line. Most of the time he would hang out with another uncle in my grandfather’s house. My childhood was filled with memories of him.
As we grew older, cops and robbers stopped and hanging out was our game. He would always be in my grandfather’s house whenever and whatever the ocassion. He was a permanent fixture in my grandfather’s household, part of the family, so they say. My admiration for him never faded. I was 12 years old then when i believed i was falling in love with him. We would always talk especially after dinner, laugh and exchange ghost stories most of the time. He even gave a picture of him, which, for the record, i did not ask. I still have that photo of him. He had a pet name for me, he would call me “judiciary”. And at that time, i am clueless as to what that word means. But i enjoyed it anyway.
He finally found out i have a crush on somebody and he kept on prodding as to who the person is. It’s you, dimwit! Of course, I did not tell him. I just keep using codes for my “crush”. Everytime he sees me, he would stop me just to ask about my so-called crush and i would just laugh at him and tell him off. Oh, if you only knew…
Then one afternoon, I was chatting with another friend in front of my grandfather’s house. As usual we were talking about him. Then suddenly, he came out from their front yard and started walking towards us. We immediately changed the subject. As he was about to open his mouth and talk, the rain came. So we all rushed to our own homes cutting all conversations.
I was hoping the rain would stop so i could see him again. It took about 15 minutes for the sky to clear up. I was about to open the gate when my friend came in giggling. I asked her why. She told me that when we all rushed to our homes, D and her went to her house. Again, D was asking what were talking about. My friend responded with a raised eyebrow and asked, why? Why do you want to know, she asked him. D just kept quiet and asked again. Then my friend blantatly asked him, “Why? You like her don’t you?”. My friend said he was taken aback and was silent. She asked again, “Why do you want to know, you like her, huh?”. He replied, “Ewan ko”. My friend was so excited as she was telling me the story and i was at a loss. So i said, “So?”. She replied feeling exasperated, “Ewan means yes”. What? I don’t get it. Apparently for her, ewan means yes. I don’t know, what do you think?
Years had passed and we seldom go and visit the house anymore. My relatives who were staying in the house all left for the States and there is no reason to go there. The house was being rented out and I see not that much also. I would hear stories about him, that he was into drugs, he did not finish school, and that living with a girl. Of course, my life had to go on. It was really just puppy love then for me.
Then two years ago, i got a call from my uncle. He told me that a gunshot wound ended D’s life. He was killed. I was shocked and I couldn’t believe his life would end that way. I felt sad, not only was he my puppy love, but he was a friend not only to me by our family. When I told my family about it, they too were shocked. I remember talking to him on the phone a few years back. It’s just sad day for friendship.
I wrote this blog because of Christmas. Christmas very much reminds me of him. He was part of my childhood, part of me growing up and having him as my young love.