It’s been three and a half months now since my daughter’s first ballet recital. This was one of the most exciting days in my daughter’s life or should I say, in my life.
I saw her interest in dance when she was about three years old. When she turned four, it was obvious that she really wanted to do ballet. She would pretend to be a ballerina and dance around the room whenever I play classical music. Soon, we did two trial classes at two different ballet schools in our area. Unfortunately, it did not work out for us then.
When the trial class for the second class ended, the ballet teacher asked if Jianne had formal ballet lessons. I told her just a week or two in another school. The teacher was impressed at how Jianne was so focused on following the steps and doing in correctly. After much chit chat, I learned that the teacher is part of the ballet company which I have been hearing so much about. Acts Manila is premier Christian ballet company in Manila whose primary goal is to transform the world one dancer at a time.
To cut the long story short, I finally enrolled Jianne in a school whose ballet program is under the tutelage of Acts Manila. For months, she practiced twice a week for months until general rehearsals and recital day. Months before recital day, Jianne was telling me she no longer wants to continue. She doesn’t want to do ballet anymore. She doesn’t give me a clear reason why she wants to quit but she would just cry at times. I was able to convince her that she just needed to complete the recital and I will let her rest. She agreed and in a few weeks, has shown renewed enthusiasm in dancing.
Pictorials came and make up sessions. She looked so pretty in her costume and of course, I was the proud Mama.
General rehearsals came and the dancers were required to be on their best because it’s like the performance day. Rehearsals last the almost the whole day and parents were not allowed to watch or look after our daughters. There were assistants or staff on board ready to help the girls if they needed something. I knew I could rely on Jianne because she is in independent girl. I could also feel the excitement in this 5-year-old little ballerina as she wore her artist’s ID on her neck and ran upstairs wearing her blue and white costume.
After a day of rest, it’s D-Day! Everyone was so excited especially me! After 10 months of not knowing what kind of dance they will be performing (parents are not allowed inside the studio) I was all giddy! Finally, I will see my baby on stage!
But the rain came. We were finishing make up when the heavy rain cloud began pouring endlessly and angrily. So we rushed to the CCP to make it to the call time. During the rehearsals, it took me only 45 minutes to drive to CCP. But that day, God has other plans. As I tried to exit the village, flood waters closed down the street. I tried another route and it’s the same. We were trapped. I don’t know how long we were driving back and forth trying to get out of the village. Until I finally braved the waters and drove through it.
It was my first time to drive through a flooded street. I was praying to God to let me through the waters. I passed the flooded area successfully and I was hopeful then. A friend of mine whose daughter would also be performing that night told me that if I continue that path I am in, I will be able to make it on time. Unfortunately, cars were stuck on the area. When I checked my time. We were already late for the call time but we can still make on the actual time the performance would start. Clock was ticking fast and I just kept on praying and praying and praying. I think that was the time I prayed the hardest all my life next to giving birth 🙂
My husband who came from school was supposed to meet us in CCP but I asked him to meet us somewhere so he could be the one to drive. He told me that he too was stuck in traffic somewhere. This added to my predicament. Oh, no!
While waiting patiently for the cars to move, I saw a lady walking and asked her if cars could pass where she came from. She said the flood water is waist-deep and the cars are just parked and not moving. That’s when I decided to turn around and look for another way. It was 30 minutes before start of performance. I still believe I could make it on time. I rushed to another route only to find out that that too was flooded.
I did not give up, I’ll give it one more shot. The show already started as my friend updated me via text message. Right there I decided, we couldn’t make it anymore because Jianne’s school would be the first group to dance. It’s too late. While I was a little panicky I asked her lots of times if it’s okay she would not be able to perform on her recital day. She just said, “It’s okay, Mama. I’m hungry anyway.”
I thought of still pushing through to CCP and just watch the show. But I was afraid that when Jianne sees her classmates she might feel bad she was not able to dance. So I called my husband and told him the dash to CCP is off, we’re turning back and going home. This was an hour and a half past performance time. I was holding back my tears as we headed to the mall to feed the kids. I kept on asking God, why?
When we finally arrived home and the kids are settled in their beds, that’s the time I cried out to God. I mean, really CRIED OUT! I kept asking why, why, why? Not in an irreverent sort of way but asking why did he not allow Jianne to complete the recital. Why didn’t he send me a boat when I badly needed one? Why didn’t he part the flood waters to let us pass?
But who am I to ask my Creator? Who am I ask God for an explanation? The following day, brokenhearted, I approached God again. He spoke to my heart lovingly saying, ” I do not need to explain myself to anyone.” It was then I just surrendered everything to His will. I could not wrap my head around what happened but I know He has a reason for allowing “the flood” consume me.
It took days, weeks and months for me to recover. It took me that much time to even blog about it. The good thing that the Lord has graciously shown me after this is that Jianne is okay about it. She doesn’t mind at all. She doesn’t seem to be affected at all. The Lord spared from the daunting task of consoling a sad and disappointed child.
It took a while for me to communicate with other ballet moms I met there. It still hurt when I think about it. I still don’t know why but I’m trusting that God would reveal to me in His perfect time.
We have not been back to ballet since then. Jianne still dances but when I tell her to go back to ballet, she says no. When I spoke to her ballet teacher, she has only high praises for Jianne’s gift. I pray that if it is God’s will that she goes back to ballet, God would prepare her heart again. She has gifted her with lovely feet and I pray she would be able to use it and give it back to her Creator.