In my four years of homeschooling Coby, I could no longer count the times I said, “I’m done!” “This is over!” or “It’s just too hard, I can’t do it anymore!” I guess I’m not the only homeschooling mom who felt this way at least once in their entire homeschooling life. Until one day, I really, really considered throwing in the towel.
I think it was in the middle of this school year when I really felt tired of doing it again and again. I was getting bored actually. I felt I want to do something else. I don’t know what it was but I felt a pull somewhere and it’s calling me to send my kids to conventional school so I could have more time to do the things that I love. Hmm, it was a sensible thought. I brought up the idea to my husband who was reluctant but supported me still and it kept bothering me for weeks.
Then in one of my BSF classes, our teaching leader was talking about how Abraham was commanded by God to surrender Isaac, his one and only son. Abraham didn’t question God nor his promise of making him the father of all nations. He knew that God was in control of everything. So all was set. Isaac was laid on the altar to be sacrificed by Abraham until God stopped him. Then God provided a sacrifice, a ram trapped in the bushes.
The teaching leader asked us if we have an “Isaac” that God wanted us to give up and we should not hold on to it because if we choose to obey God He will provide a “ram” for us. As I was contemplating on the words of our TL , I turned to my right and saw this person. She was the principal of the Christian school near our home. I remember talking to her before because I wanted to know more about her school, just in case… My heart started pounding so hard then I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt it was God’s message to me.
The “Isaac” I was to give up was homeschooling Coby. God already provided a “ram” which was represented by the principal, which means I should enroll Coby in a conventional school. I was happy and sad at the same time. I was so sure that it was really God speaking to me through that lesson. But then, I was wrong…
A few days after that emotional “confirmation”, I had my usual quiet time. I asked God again if I really heard Him right. Deep inside, I was having doubts about it. I was secretly (as if God doesn’t know it) asking Him, “Are you sure you want me to quit homeschooling?” “Really, really?”
Then,in the quietness of my heart, I finally got it. What the Lord wanted me to give up was my complacency, my sometimes laziness in planning out the lessons. When I saw the principal, it was God telling me to put structure in our homeschooling. Coby needs structure, in fact, he screams for structure, scheduling and planning. Organizing would give Coby the drive to work. Coby is a planner. He wants to know what our food would be tomorrow or if we’re going somewhere over the weekend. Or what subjects he would be doing the next day and the next. Having no plan makes him scramble Because he sees the plan and how it’s organized, he knows what is expected of him which would lessen my coming in to the picture all the time. It encourages him to do independent learning.
Whew! It’s really important to connect with God 24/7. Have that intimacy with Him because like me, I could have done something which was not what He really wanted me to do. It was foolish of me to just jump to conclusions right away and relying on my emotions or my circumstances instead of seeking God first. But God was so good because He made sure I got the message right this time!
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
Don’t get me wrong, eventually, I have to send them to conventional school. But for now, at this stage in their life, homeschooling is still on!
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to you. James 1:5